Cromwell's Password

The week at the spa had been extremely relaxing, just as the brochure had promised.  It was the perfect way to recover after the extensive laser eye surgery. Fully exfoliated and with now excellent vision, Jerry was is high spirits as he returned to his luxury condo.

He was surprised, however, when he strode into the front lobby and found a handwritten note taped to the glass doorway. His establishment prided itself on refinement and subtlety, so the cheap and crude handwritten paper grated his mood.

“Due to recent events,” read the note, “additional security precautions are in place to ensure your safety and security. We appreciate your cooperation and understanding – KRP Management.”

“What recent events?” Jerry mused as he swiped his thumb across the scanner. He waited for the green light and the click of the locking mechanism.

“Welcome to KRP Condominiums. My name is Cynthia. Please swipe your thumb across the scanner next to the door,” spoke a female computer voice.

“I just did,” Jerry muttered to himself.

“Your thumb scan is invalid” Cynthia said calmly.

“Oh, I just got back from a week at the spa, my thumb print is probably –“ Jerry began.

“Please look into the retina scanner,” Cynthia interrupted.

“What retina scanner?” Jerry asked. “I don’t see any retina scanner,” he said turning around.

“You will find the retina scanning device to your left,” answered Cynthia smoothly.

“Which left? I just turned around!” Jerry was beginning to get annoyed.

“The scanner in on the east wall,” she replied with the same inhuman calm.

“Which way is east?” Jerry felt a little sheepish for not knowing. “Oh, there…”

“Your retina scan is invalid. Please wait,” replied the computer. “Why did the chicken cross the park?”

“What?! Is this a joke? Wait a minute, I just had eye surgery, how am I supposed to…”

“Yes, the question is a joke” interrupted Cynthia. “Please answer the question.”

“What?!” Jerry was definitely annoyed as this point.

“Please answer the question or security will be notified.”
“To get to the other slide,” replied Jerry tersely.

“Incorrect. Please type the sentence you see on the screen by the door.”

“What?! How can that be incorrect?! It’s a joke - an old joke. What the hell?! There isn’t a keypad next to the door! Computer, Cynthia, whatever your name is, contact security! Go ahead! Contact them! This is ridiculous! Get a real human being in here or let me in!”

“That you Jerry Cromwell. Your voice stress recognition is confirmed. Please enter and have a nice day.”
"Voice stress recognition?"

The green light flashed and the locking mechanism clicked.

"Please enter. The lock will reactivate in five seconds," Cynthia warned calmly.