"Rather than fearing Death™, we should embrace it," says John Anon from the Ottawa Misanthropic Society.
"People suffering from a variety of ailments, ranging from financial debt and career indecision to athletes foot and halitosis, should try Death™", says John. "It is a cheap, simple, and proven solution."
"People suffering from a variety of ailments, ranging from financial debt and career indecision to athletes foot and halitosis, should try Death™", says John. "It is a cheap, simple, and proven solution."
John told reporters that while Death™ is highly effective, it is an often overlooked solution for many common problems people face today. "If you are suffering from the common cold or cancer, having trouble scheduling a dental appointment, or are late on your car payments, then a quick and simple solution is Death™," John said. "There is really no need to be stressed about any of these issues."
"There are environmental benefits too," John says. "Many people are concerned about their environmental impact and choose to become vegan or ride their bicycles rather than drive, but here at the Ottawa Misanthropic Society, we feel these are only half measures at best. A far more effective solution is Death™ - the most environmental and sustainable choice one can make," John claims. "The most environmental thing most people can do is not exist."
"There are environmental benefits too," John says. "Many people are concerned about their environmental impact and choose to become vegan or ride their bicycles rather than drive, but here at the Ottawa Misanthropic Society, we feel these are only half measures at best. A far more effective solution is Death™ - the most environmental and sustainable choice one can make," John claims. "The most environmental thing most people can do is not exist."
The Misanthropic Society spokesperson went on to extol the cost saving aspects of their new product. "Rather than spending billions of dollars trying to prolong lives or cure sicknesses, we should embrace the gift of Death™. While it is unlikely that people will experience any of the many pleasures life has to offer after experiencing Death™, it is certain that they will avoid all the pain and suffering. In fact, we guarantee it."
Free samples of Death™ were available, but no takers were seen.
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