List Magick

Dude: Today we are speaking with Al Crowley, an expert in List Magick, which is defined as "the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will."

Al has written literally thousands of lists and is a tireless evangelizer of the efficacious powers of List Magick. 

Al, can you please introduce the concept of List Magick to us?

Al: Yes, Dude. List Magick is essentially a method for a person to reach true understanding of the self and to act according to one's true will, which he or she sees as the reconciliation "between freewill and destiny." In our everyday battles with pressures and expectations, it is easy to lose oneself.

Dude: A reconciliation between freewill and destiny? That sounds pretty esoteric, Al. Isn't List Magick really just the process of making lists to organize one's efforts?

Al: Dude, it is much more than that. Anyone can make a list, but invoking the power of List Magick requires a deeper level of concentration and commitment. Used effectively, List Magick may effect ANY required change by the application of the proper kind and degree of Force in the proper manner, through the proper medium to the proper object. List Magick is the Science of understanding oneself and one's conditions. It is the Art of applying that understanding in action.

Dude: I do not deny that there is a certain art and science of making good lists, but do you worry that wrapping your methods in such religious language and mysticism will marginalize your method?

Al: To the contrary, Dude. I am a firm believer that the full power of List Magick cannot be effectively wielded without mysticism and a deep appreciation of the powers at hand. In fact, the focus of my method is to develop regular mystical practices such that the magician becomes filled with List Magick, fed upon List Magick, intoxicated with List Magick. Little by little his body will become purified by the internal lustration of List Magick; day by day his mortal frame, shedding its earthly elements, will become in very truth the List Magick. Day by day matter is replaced by Spirit, the human by the divine; ultimately the change will be complete; List Magick manifest in flesh will be his name.

Dude: Wow. I see. That is a pretty lofty goal. It sounds a little more transformative than simply getting into the habit of writing lists. Perhaps you can give us a few of the more practical aspects of List Magick. What does this transformation actually entale at the actionable level?

Al:  At the practical level, List Magick takes several practices and forms of ritual, including banishing distractions, invocation and evocation of overall goals and specific resources, eucharistic rituals for proper nutrition, consecration and purification of tools, schedules, and other resources, astral travel for focused attention, yoga for physical health and stress reduction, and divination for gathering more information to gain insight and to make better decisions.

Dude: Okay, that all sounds very practical. Can you walk us through each of these rituals individually?

Al: Yes, to effectively use List Magick for Getting Things Done, one must capture everything, clarify everything into actionable steps, organize and prioritize things into bit-sized chunks, and then review and reflect daily and weekly. Keep your lists moving, prune them, re-shuffle them, keep them short, and focus on the next action tasks. 

The purpose of banishing rituals is to eliminate forces that might interfere with List Magick operations. Focus. Eliminate distractions. Use the power of writing to retain messages from the unconscious. Write things down.

Purify yourself. Keep your life as simple as possible, but not simpler. 

Consecrate your lists. Dedicate three resources for three lists: one for next actions, another for projects, and another for future plans. Keep them separated. 

Invoke the power of List Magick by being as realistic about your limitations as possible. Be humble. Identify your weaknesses, treat them like problems, and solve them.

Stay calm. To harness this great power, one must eliminate anxiety and stress which diminish your conductance. Offer no resistance. Practice yoga and meditation to still your thoughts so your mind becomes quiet. 

Dude: I see. Wow. That all sound pretty grandiose and over-the-top. After a period of meditation, deep breathing, and focusing on the divine, the adept should become a more effective conduit for - what? Writing a good shopping list, planning the kids summer camp activities, and paying bills on time? 

Al: Dude, it is much more than that. We live on the battlefield between external pressures and inner peace, the border between heaven and Eath.  This is an existential struggle. Our very souls are caught between Chaos and Logos. Through List Magick, one can make a change in ones life by using ones own personal energy and the energy of surrounding elements.  The more one is able to identify with and devote oneself to the Great Spirit, the less the external pressures will matter and the greater the existential meaning will grow.  Identity with the Great Spirit is attained by love and by surrender, by giving up or suppressing all irrelevant and illusionary parts of yourself.

Dude: That is fascinating, Al. Thank you for coming in today. I really appreciate you taking the time to speak with me about this really important topic. 

Al: No problem. Thank you for having me.

Dude: We've been speaking today with Al Crowley (not to be confused with Aleister Crowley, of Thelema fame) about his List Magick method. 

* * *
Magick and the GTD method have more in common than just being two cults or two articles in Wikipedia. 

"The GTD method rests on the idea of moving planned tasks and projects out of the mind by recording them externally and then breaking them into actionable work items"; while Magick is "an effort to make a change in ones life by using ones own personal energy and the energy of surrounding elements."

If you lay the methods out side-by-side, the parallels become apparent without too much wishful thinking. 

In any case, you too can use the power of List Magick for getting things done!

Faux Flu Science News

"The common explanation for why we cough and sneeze is that viruses evolved the ability to inflame the mucus membranes and induce coughing and sneezing as their transmission vectors," explains Holt Crescent University professor Wyatt Earp. 

"However, our study reveals the situation to be a bit more complicated and much darker. We show that the blame for this method of transmission does not fall entirely with the viruses."

Virus DNA is typically extremely simple - too simple to induce coughing and sneezing in an organism as complex as human beings, the researchers claim. 

"Viruses have the capacity to target specific cell types, but not to induce the behavioral response of coughing and sneezing," Professor Earp explains.

The explanation, the researchers speculated, is that humans have evolved to use the infections as a biological weapon to exclude foreigners.  Humans have evolved to cough and sneeze, not to expel the infection, but to deliberately transmit it to people with low resistance. 

"People within the same group are often closely related and have very similar arrangements of their major histamine complexes. Because of this, humans within a group are immune to their own personal cadre of infectious agents.  When they come into contact with other groups, however, these viruses act as shock troops. Rather than always resorting to physical violence, we have evolved to let the viruses do the killing for us." 

"This is especially true for children," Professor Earp says. "Because women and children are physically weaker than most adult males, they must rely on other means of self defense. A question we asked ourselves is, who protects the women and children when the men are out hunting or fighting? Our answer: viruses."  

"It is interesting to note that xenophobia is closely linked to disgust - a fear of contamination, so there is some psychological basis to our hypothesis," Professor Earp says. "Also, from a historical perspective, one of the most notable examples of this effect is the almost complete genocide of the indigenous population of the Americas." 

Ottawa Misanthropic Society Announces New Product Release

"Rather than fearing Death™, we should embrace it," says John Anon from the Ottawa Misanthropic Society.
 
"People suffering from a variety of ailments, ranging from financial debt and career indecision to athletes foot and halitosis, should try Death™", says John. "It is a cheap, simple, and proven solution."

 

John told reporters that while Death™ is highly effective, it is an often overlooked solution for many common problems people face today. "If you are suffering from the common cold or cancer, having trouble scheduling a dental appointment, or are late on your car payments, then a quick and simple solution is Death™," John said. "There is really no need to be stressed about any of these issues."
 
"There are environmental benefits too," John says. "Many people are concerned about their environmental impact and choose to become vegan or ride their bicycles rather than drive, but here at the Ottawa Misanthropic Society, we feel these are only half measures at best. A far more effective solution is Death™ - the most environmental and sustainable choice one can make," John claims. "The most environmental thing most people can do is not exist."

 

The Misanthropic Society spokesperson went on to extol the cost saving aspects of their new product. "Rather than spending billions of dollars trying to prolong lives or cure sicknesses, we should embrace the gift of Death™. While it is unlikely that people will experience any of the many pleasures life has to offer after experiencing Death™, it is certain that they will avoid all the pain and suffering. In fact, we guarantee it."

 
Free samples of Death™ were available, but no takers were seen. 

Ape Love, in Ten Parts

As the bonobo mounted his mate, he whispered into her ear, "Only theologians can be true atheists."
"Indeed," she replied. "Those who are least aware of a theory are most enslaved by it."
Breathing heavily, he stepped back and blasphemed on the soil. "We are too old for children," he stated.
Sitting next together, they groomed each other for a few moments. Only the sound of lice popping between their teeth could be heard.
"You are too beautiful," he declared. "I have nothing to give you that is worthy of your beauty."
"Do not bother," she replied. "I once had a friend who was truly beautiful. You would have fallen for her. All the male apes did. They were constantly giving her objects as testaments to their love.  Whenever I saw her, she would show me her latest treasures. She was very proud of her possessions. Over time, I began to resent these meetings. She seemed to value me only as a witness to her glory."
"What happened to her?" asked the male.
"She was killed by a jealous lover. He was a beautiful, powerful ape. When he discovered her infidelity, he smashed her skull with his fists. He beat her and beat her until there was nothing but pulverized flesh, hair, and bone. When his murder was discovered, the elders ripped off his testicles and beat him to death."
"Even the strongest are easily overwhelmed by a crowd," the male concurred. "I, too, once knew an ape who was beautiful and strong. He was also very proud - not of his possessions, but his physicality. In his pride, he dominated the other males, but he was cut in a fight and became sick with a fever. While delirious, he fell from his tree and hurt his legs and back. He never recovered his strength, so his pride was mortally wounded. He became bitter and resentful. In spite, he spread lies and rumors about other apes. He became ostracized and hated by everyone. Eventually, he left the tribe, where I assume he died."
"That is a sad story. His lies and rumors remind me of another story," the female said. "The sister of the ape I mentioned before was not so blessed with beauty. No lovers gave her trinkets or gifts. But she was still proud. In her false vanity, she claimed gifts for herself and boasted that they were given to her. Her thefts were eventually discovered. The shame of her guilt was too much for her family.  They disowned her, so she wandered alone, looking for food and was devoured by jaguars one dry season."
"That is sad," replied the male. "We are old. We have seen much.  Too many murders; too much unnecessary unrest."
"If only our children would listen," murmured the female. "They could avoid making the same mistakes.
"But they do not listen," stated the male. "They have no respect for our wisdom."
"If only we could set aside one day a week to get them to listen to some of what we have seen," continued the female.
"Listen to us?" Scoffed the male. "My children mock me. In their pride, they think they know best. They are ignorant and naive, but arrogant and proud."
"Yes, but did you honor your parents?" asked the female.
"No. My father was a tyrant. He wanted me to be absolutely dependent on him for everything. If he had his way, I would not have the ability to breath without his permission."
"This is the way of life," the female mused. "We are all absolutely dependent on something. For me, it is luck. Everything I have and all that I have accomplished is due to luck."
"Our luck has been good, I guess. We are old," relied the male. "And I am lucky to be here with you."
"Fortune smiles on us," she murmured, crunching a louse between her teeth.
"For now," he agreed.

A Theology of Chance, or How to Hedge Your Bets When You Just Don't Know.

The portly professor Hocus climbs a pocus tree and begins to read a prepared statement...

"A Theology of Chance, or How to Hedge Your Bets When You Just Don't Know.

Theology, at its core, is a systematic study of the condition of, and the feelings involved with, being completely dependent on something over which you have no control. Fortuna was the Roman goddess of luck, or the personification of life's capriciousness.  They knew then what we know now: that luck can be good or bad, but it is out of our hands.

Opaque is a word to describe what is unknown or unseen. The world is highly opaque. In the past, we had fewer illusions about its opacity. Today, we suffer from delusions of understanding. We have faith in empirical data, statistical analysis and positive materialism. Not all of this faith is  unwarranted, but complex systems are still beyond our capacity to predict or control. The economy, for instance, is a classic case. The rise and fall of stock prices is studied by millions of exceedingly intelligent people, yet it fails to yield predictable results. A listing of similar opaque systems would include history, health, medicine, education, innovation, computer networks, the spread of epidemics, earthquakes, genetics, climate change, and social unrest. For most of these fields, we have rules of thumb and educated guesses.

It can be shown, however, that while we have a pretty good grasp on "normal" behavior of complex systems, we have no clue about unusual or extreme behaviors. Furthermore, as systems grow in size and complexity, the frequency of extreme events increases dramatically. Therefore our models breakdown.

As a result of our tremendous progress in science and technology, we are returning to a world that is highly opaque. Before, we did not know because we were ignorant; now, we can not know because complex systems are inherently unpredictable.

Many of the religious prohibitions and dogmas arose as conservative rules-of-thumb for maintaining social order in an opaque world.  Although many of the previously opaque matters have given way to science, new unknowns, that were not even known to be unknown, are now confronting us. The trouble is, as our successes increase, our arrogance increases and our delusions of control increase.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for a new theology: a theology of chance. How do we live in a world where the unexpected happens catastrophically while the expected is stifled and controlled by financial elites?

I propose that the better we understand our lack of control, the better we will be equipped to handle events when they explode. In addition, I propose that we should not be lulled into self-satisfaction by the word "modernity". Do not be fooled by the show: the world is more random and fragile than ever before. Today, as much as before, we need a systematic way of addressing how to live when we are completely at the mercy of chance.

Lady fortune makes the sun rise on the wicked as well as the saints.  Nothing we can do will guarantee her favor. We can merely hedge our bets and try to play it safe.

Father evolution has equipped us with conscience - a sense of "good", which is a conservative guide for behavior that will best win the favor of Fortuna in the long run. When in doubt, when lady fortune has blinded you to the future and all is dark, listen to your father. Use your conscience as a guiding force."

With this last pronouncement, the fragile branch supporting his prodigious stature gives way. With a loud crack, he falls headlong toward the ground.  As luck would have it, a mighty wind blows from the east, causing him to turn just before hitting the ground. He lands softly on his feet, unharmed, but with a stunned expression. After glancing skyward, he walks away in a daze muttering to himself.

Mad Max

Scene:	Two friends meet for breakfast in the lobby of a restaurant. They haven't seen each other in a while, so they go through a ritual of shaking hands, laughing, and slapping each other on the back. One of the men has a small beard while the other is clean-shaven.
Clean-shaven man:	You've got a little something on your chin.
Bearded man:	Yeah, I'm growing it out. It goes with my new grand unified theory of testosterone, globalization, cultural identity, mental health, loyalty, hierarchy, Trump, climate change, and the meaning of life!
Clean-shaven man:	Is that a grand unified theory? It sounds more like a dogs breakfast!
Bearded man:	Ah, you laugh, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table.
Clean-shaven man:	You're calling me a dog and yourself my master. This fits with my theory for why we haven't hung out in a while.
Bearded man:	Yeah, to be honest, it is more like a dog's breakfast of ideas which interrelate in various ways. It'll probably require more than my crappy chef skills to lay them out in a palatable way. Hopefully the food here will compensate.
Clean-shaven man:	So what's your excuse for not shaving?
Bearded man:	Mental health, my friend! I read somewhere that the clarity of your cultural identity plays a huge role in your mental health.
Clean-shaven man:	The only people who don't shave are hipsters and schizos, and I question the mental health of both. In this culture, you identify as being a healthy member of the group by shaving and grooming!
Bearded man:	Yeah, well, I am becoming a barbarian in defiance of the empire of nothing!
Clean-shaven man:	Sounds like you've been reading some wacky books. How do you feel about fluoride, Mr. Tinhat?
Bearded man:	Do you know your neighbors? Of course not. For any social group, the larger it becomes, the less personal it becomes. All across the world, millions and millions of traditional communities are joining the global 'village'. All of their unique cultures, languages, and identities are disappearing over a single generation. In a few years, there won't be anyone except billions upon billions of consumer-bots with multiple mental disorders.
Clean-shaven man:	So: save the world - grow your beard? It sounds like you think having a beard is part of a traditional culture - that shaving is new, modern, and fake. But guess what - people have been shaving and plucking their hairs since way before the Egyptians.  Neanderthals did it. Hair-care is part of all cultures; lack of hair-care is a lack of culture. Hence: barbarian. Your theory contradicts itself, my friend.
Bearded man:	Hair care and shaving aren't the same thing: you can groom a beard.
Clean-shaven man:	Yes, it's all very metro: skinny jeans and a well-groomed beard. Maybe even a little paraben wax on your mustache?
Bearded man:	No wax - that stuff kills your testosterone. Testosterone is another key part of mental health - for men, anyways.
Clean-shaven man:	So it's skip the psychologist, watch the Patriots?
Bearded man:	Yeah, watching sports is good, when your team wins. If your team wins, it elevates your testosterone. When they lose, however, your testosterone drops. How much you identify with your teams matters, however - and that ties in with cultural identity and loyalty. You see: we have a powerful need to identity with a group!
Clean-shaven man:	Yes, my group, right or wrong… Except when they keep losing. And that is what it is: a bunch of crappy, inferior cultures losing out to the material success of everyone else working together. It is ethical and wise: work together for mutual gain rather than fight it out over family feuds and narcissistic delusions.
Bearded man:	I am not arguing with that, but you can't deny the fact that all this cooperation is washing out any sense of identity.
Clean-shaven man:	So you'd like to go back to warring tribal groups like Afghanistan and the Middle East?
Bearded man:	We can't go back, but it's like the old growth forests - why continue chopping them down if you know they're going to be depleted in a few years? Why not forgo the small amount of additional profit for the sake of an irreplaceable resource?
Clean-shaven man:	You sound like another bearded extremist I've heard recently: this guy named Alexander Dugin. You heard of him?
Bearded man:	Yeah, I know Dugin.
Clean-shaven man:	Are you part of his 4th Political Theory crusade?
Bearded man:	I'm not quite sure what is so "fourth" about it. It sounds like totalitarianism. He wants a totalitarian enforced dark age: to create the New Middle Ages.
Clean-shaven man:	Well, it sounds like your thing: he's all for the Return of the Barbarians and a complete rejection of modernity - science, values, philosophy, art - everything.
Bearded man:	Yeah, well, dark age tribal ethics with nuclear weapons doesn't sound like much fun.
Clean-shaven man:	Are you sure? Think about it. How much fun would it be to live the Mad Max lifestyle? I think you secretly want the nukes to fall just to change it all. Like the people who voted for Trump: f_ck 'em if they can't take a joke: it's time for something to change!
Bearded man:	Well, one thing I want to change is how long we've been waiting to be seated. I'm hungry for some bacon!
Clean-shaven man:	Beards, bacon, barbells, and barbarians!
Bearded man:	Hey - you'll tell me if I get something stuck in my beard, won't you? I didn't bring my comb.

The Space Between

Walking around at night, after the kids were in bed, a man stepped out of the darkness and startled the crap out of me.

 

"Don't be alarmed," he said. "And don't be put off by the trench coat."

 

I was alarmed. Every hair on my body was standing on end. I crouched low, ready to attack. I was already pissed from crap at home - which was why I was going for a walk. It slowly dawned on me that I was glad this crazy fool confronted me. My next thought was about how much trouble I would get into if I hurt this idiot. Immediately proceeding this thought was how my daughters would feel about their dad getting hurt or getting into a fight with a crazy person.

 

"I have these two robots," he said, sitting on the ground. "A boy and a girl. They've been together for years but they don't -- you know, do the boy-girl thing."

 

Since he was sitting on the ground, I was less alarmed. I decided to stay and listen, since, in all honesty, I was afraid of offending him if I walked away. Who knows what he would do then? He would probably act like a crazy person.

 

"This is all metaphor, you understand," he continued, glancing up at me. "The robots are progress, and the boy-girl thing - that's listlessness... Or the lack of it is listlessness. Am I making sense?"

 

"Sure," I lied.

 

"Good. You know, psychoanalysis's great discovery is man-as-speaking-animal.  For this speaking animal, the boy-girl thing has no remedy and has no hope... I should say flesh-flesh, just to be more inclusive. Are you with me?"

 

"Yes, or course," I assured him. I wished desperately that I had brought my phone. I usually do. What are the odds I would forget today?

 

"Things are bad these days," he went on. "But man has always been able to adapt himself to the bad. The only *real* that we can conceive, that we can have access to, is the need for a reason: to give some meaning to things... The difference between the real – what is not going right – and the symbolic, the imaginary – that is, truth – is that the real is the world. To see that the world does not exist, that there is no world... there is just the bad, the what is not going right - that is the only meaning, the only real, the only truth. You see?"

 

"Oh, yeah" I assure him again, having no clue what the hell he is talking about.

 

"So, there is the bad - what is not going right - and there is speech," he said looking piercingly at me. "I can see you're not following... Let's step back a bit. Speech is about flesh-flesh, you know? You know Darwin, sexual selection and all that? It is all the women - they like men who can speak. But speech is... Well, psychoanalysis is the realm of speech, there is no other remedy. Freud explained that the unconscious is not deep as much as it is inaccessible to conscious examination. And that in this unconscious, the speaker is a subject within the subject, transcending the subject. The great strength of psychoanalysis is speech."

 

He paused, searching for comprehension again.

 

"I'm following," I half-lied. It occurred to me that he may be crazy, but the coincidence of his subject matter to my line of thinking was beyond creepy.

 

"It is the world of speech that creates the world of things," he went on, "which initially blur into everything that is in-becoming. Only words give a finished meaning to the essence of things. Without words, nothing would exist.  Only words can engender thought and give it substance. Without language, humanity would never make any forward step in its efforts to understand thought."

 

He stood up suddenly. "You were going for a walk," he said gently. "If you don't mind, I will accompany you.  I am not dangerous. Crazy, maybe, but not dangerous. I just need to talk."

 

"Uh, sure..." I said, not knowing what else to say. I was disappointed at my ability to escape this awkward situation. But, then again, I was curious at what he had to say. "What you say is interesting," I said encouragingly.

 

"Yes, words, words, words - I steal them all," he said, waving his had dismissively. "I read too much and spend too little time with real people."

 

In the street light, I could see that he was quite old - in his seventies, at least.

 

"Young man," he went on, "do not avoid pain and anxiety - they are all that is real. The world does not exist, there is only the word. The word only exists as a result of Darwin's discovery: man as a speaking animal... Yes? And, as Freud discovered, no -- well, animals reproduce... It is all psychoanalysis... This is the root of my confusion: it is all about the bad, what is not going right - the subject matter of psychoanalysis... If God is good and all that is real is the bad, then God is not real and we are the space in between - the pain. It is all suffering."

 

"You're losing me there," I said gently.

 

"Yes, of course. I lost myself there."

A car was driving slowly and suddenly sped up as it approached us. It raced up next to us and stopped.

 

"Lacan!" exclaimed a woman, getting out of the car. "Jacque Lacan! Oh, thank heaven I found you!"

 

"I have to go," Jacque said, turning to me. "Thank you for listening. Enjoy your walk."

 

He turned to the lady, stepping toward the car. "I'm here. I'm here."