Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Bogus Endocrinology News

OTTAWA, ON – Rural men offer interesting insights into effective methods for elevating testosterone, a new study finds.
 
Testosterone levels in American men have been declining steadily over the past two decades, according to a new study in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism. 
 
The reasons for this decline are unclear; the study suggests that neither aging nor changes in certain health factors, such as obesity or smoking, can completely explain the phenomenon.
 
Testosterone is the primary male sex hormone. It is important for maintaining bone and muscle mass throughout life. Insufficient levels of testosterone have been linked to diabetes, low libido, and other medical conditions. Typically, testosterone levels in men peak around their late 20s, and then begin a gradual decline from age 30 onward.
 
However, the surprising results of a separate study reveal the testosterone levels of rural residence of Kentucky and West Virginia to be 20% higher than the national average among the men sampled.  In other words, they were not effected by the same decline as the population at large. 
 
In 2012, researchers from Bogus Technical University collected saliva samples of 200 adult males living "off the grid" in Kentucky and West Virginia to measure their 'bio-available' testosterone levels. The bio-available testosterone levels were so far outside the mean for American men that the researchers went back to collect additional samples from the same regions. The results from the second study confirmed their initial findings: adult men in these regions have significantly higher testosterone levels than average.
 
After publishing the results of their findings in the Journal of Bogus Endocrinology and Metabolism Bologna, the team went back a third time to visit relatives and collect ethnographic data.  Although it is "pure speculation" at this point, the researchers believe lifestyle, nutrition and sociological factors are key explanatory factors for this phenomenon.  The researches asked residence to explain, in their own words, why their testosterone levels were so much higher.
 
"We eat mostly game meat," says one resident. "It is all natural and organic. It ain't pumped full of all them castration chemicals y'all got in that supermarket meat."
 
"We never shy away from a good fight," says another. "You can always tell when some guy is feeling down, because he starts picking on someone else, trying to start a fight.  After they go at it for a while, the guy who started it either gets the shit kicked out of him, or he walks away feeling much better."
 
"Being a bully is just self medication, but beating up a bully is the best medicine of all."
 
Other surprising responses included: blow something upshoot something, hunt, chop wood, win against a kid, round up a gang of rowdy guys, sit back on the porch and criticize someone, talk loud, have sex, and get crazy.
 
"Y'all big city folk have a hard time winning at anything," one resident says. "Even if you do win, you feel guilty about it. Out here in the small ponds, even a medium sized fish can feel like a big fish. It's good to feel like a big fish, even if you ain't one."
 
The researchers caution that, given the surprising results, independent studies are necessary to replicate and confirm their findings.
 

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